So back to Wine Guy, whose move was organized, efficient and involved HIRED MOVERS to do the real labor. Wine Guy made it clear that he mostly just wanted my company more than my lifting power. But I must have had some sort of visceral reaction to the concepts of "Boyfriend" and "Moving" in combination because by the time the Friend/eye-locking incident occurred I was right back on that dance floor clutching a bouquet and seeing through Naval A-hole's phony smile.
Wine Guy is scarily intuitive (or I'm pathetically obvious, more likely), so he knew right away he was coming face to face with this Trooper's baggage. He was very reassuring and apologetic for the Friend comment, which he didn't need to be. The guy he was talking to had yet to hear about me and it would be a little odd to just casually interject, "Oh, gotta go. My girlfriend is here," without first providing some context -preferably when she isn't standing right there waiting for you.
I confessed how I was angry at myself for letting my Naval A-hole baggage get the best of me and that he didn't need to apologize at all. With his arms wrapped around me, he looked me in the eye and said, "That's just negative talk. You are being way too hard on yourself. Everyone has their vulnerable spots and you know this yours. So recognize that, let yourself off the hook and give yourself a hug. And remember, I'm a good guy and I'm not going anywhere."
A tremendously sensitive thing to say, but then he topped it. "And even if I did go away (my heart skipped a beat at this), you would be fine. You are a whole person --even if I'm not here."
I let that sink in for a second, mostly to first get past my initial panic reaction at the mention that he might one day be gone (can you say abandonment issues?). He was right. I was doing just fine before Wine Guy came along. I was happy, fulfilled, and whole. And I still am. I just happen to have a Boyfriend too.
So that's my baggage. I better embrace it, stack it somewhere in the back closet and know that every once in a while it may peek its head out and ask to take a short trip around the block.